Here For You
by GleeJunkie007
Summary: AU: Olivia Benson was kidnapped and tortured by William Lewis. The scars on her body will heal over time, but there are ones invisible to eye that will never heal. She will never forget all the things he did to her and how he managed to break her. She has a long road ahead of her, but luckily there's someone there to help her through it all.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, or any of its characters. They all belong to Dick Wolf & NBC.**

 **A/N: A few differences, that I want to clear up before you start reading. Noah has already been adopted and is living with Olivia. Also she already is broken up with Cassidy.**

* * *

Olivia's POV

I want to scream. I wanted to kick something—well more like someone. William Lewis was out on bail. I can't believe that bastard got away _again_. I can't believe he gets away again. What now? Do we have to wait for him to commit another rape? We have to wait for another women to suffer so we can try once again to lock him up? And who knows if Barba will even be able to nail him then. His offense attorney could probably figure out some way for him to walk.

It makes me _angry_.

Is it really fair that this bastard gets to walk which can cause other women to suffer?

 _It's not._

And to make it worse, his defense attorney paid his bail.

 _It just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?_

"Tell you what, who wants to come with me and just shoot the son of a bitch." Rollins speaks up.

"Rollins—"

If only we could. No one would miss him. And it would save his next victim from hours of torture and trauma they will never get over.

I wish I could shoot him.

"Don't worry, Captain." Fin speaks up. "I'll take her out for something to drink." Fin says as I grab my coat and put it on. I was ready to get out of here.

"Liv?" Fin asks and I shake my head, though I probably could go for a drink, but I just really wanted to go home and shower. I need one.

"Raincheck." I tell him as I put my bag around my arm. "I've barely been home at all this week." I say and then Captain approaches me.

"Well, go home. And stay there for two days." He says.

Wait, was he suspending me?

"Captain—"

"Liv, that's an order. You show up for work, I'll have you arrested." I sighed, but didn't argue. I wouldn't win.

"Liv, you okay?" I look and see Barba standing next to me after I hit the elevator button to go down.

"They declared a mistrial and Lewis is out on bail. So no, I'm not okay." I say and then take a breath. "It could only be a matter of time before he chooses his next victim. And what do we wait until that happens? We wait until someone else has to be tortured and raped for hours before we try again?" I put my hand on face and take a breath. It made me angry and frustrated.

I can't believe this bastard keeps getting away with this.

"Liv, we'll get him." Barba says.

"How do you know that?" I ask. "You don't know if they will let you retry it."

Barba sighs.

"I'll think of something." Barba says.

"And meanwhile, some other defense woman will become his next victim!" I snapped as he walked into the elevator. I took a breath as Barba walked inside. He stood next to me. "I'm sorry. I just don't want this bastard to get away."

"Neither do I." Barba says as he puts a hand on my shoulder and looks me in the eyes. "I will do everything I can."

"Thanks Barba." I smiled at him.

"See you tomorrow?" Barba asks.

"If I come in, Captain will have me arrested." I tell him and Barba laughs. The only good thing about this was that I get to spend more time with Noah.

"Goodnight Barba." I say as I walk out of the elevator and into the parking lot.

"Goodnight Liv."

I threw my bag onto the counter when I got home and I grabbed a water out of the fridge. "Lucy! I'm home!" I shouted as I closed the fridge. I took a sip of water and then I heard a noise. I put the bottle down on the corner and took a step forward before calling out for Lucy again. I knew she still had to be here.

"Lucy? Is that you?" I called out as I walked forward and then I froze as a gun is held to my head.

"Welcome home, Detective Benson."

 _Lewis is here._

He hit me in the head with the gun and everything went black.

* * *

I woke up with my legs and arms tied with tuck tape. I was leaned against the wall. In front of me was Lucy, whom was also tied up. Tears were running down her face and I could tell she was terrified. I wanted to speak, but I couldn't as my mouth was duct taped shut. Lucy's was as well.

I then turn to see Lewis walking back into the room. He was holding Noah.

"Get away from him!" I screamed, but it came out muffled because of the tuck tape. I knew it was pointless to scream, but I could just sit here while that psychopath held my son.

"Looks like mommy's awake." Lewis says as he then takes the gun out of his pocket. He then holds it at Noah's head.

"No!"

Noah then starts to cry.

"Oh, looks like someone is cranky." Lewis says and he heads for Noah's bedroom. I try to scream as loud as I could for him to hear me. I don't know what he will do—but I don't know want to know. He walks slowly back over to me with Noah in his arms. "Looks like mommy misses you."

I nodded quickly.

He slowly brings Noah over. He was maybe a foot away from me. I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to protect him, but I couldn't; I'm powerless.

 _I can't protect my own son._

He then holds the end of the duct tape in between his fingers.

"No screaming. You scream and I'll shoot him." Lewis whispers.

I nodded quickly and he slowly peeled the tape off of my mouth. He then brings Noah close to me and I move my head and kiss his forehead. I try to stop myself from crying, but I can't. I know Lewis won't let this last.

"My sweet boy." I whisper to Noah. "I love you."

Lewis then pulls Noah away from me. He goes into Noah's bedroom and then comes back out without him. I had heard a door close.

"Don't you dare hurt him." I say and Lewis slaps me.

"You do _not_ tell me what to do!" He screams at me.

"Please Lewis—this has nothing to do with Noah or Lucy. Please—I'm _begging_ you—just put Lucy in his room with him. She can take care of him." I say, nodding quickly as tears run down my face. I don't care what happens to me, but not my baby. I will do whatever I have to if that means Noah will live and be unharmed.

"Please—" I plead with my voice breaking. "Do whatever you want to me, but d-don't hurt them."

"Don't worry. I _will_." He says before he bangs my head against the wall. Everything went black again.

* * *

"Wakey, wakey, Detective Benson." I open my eyes a crack. My vision's blurry at first, but then it comes to and I see his disgusting face. I make a move to talk, but I realized my mouth was duct taped again. I look over to my right and see Lucy was gone. My eyes widened.

"Don't worry, she's alive. Locked her in the bedroom with that baby." Lewis says and I sighed in relief.

"Now we can have some fun. Just the two of us." Lewis adds before he starts to punch me. After multiple hits, I looked down to the floor and saw drops of blood dropping onto the carpet from my nose. Lewis puts his arms around me and then throws me onto the ground where he starts to kick me.

I shut my eyes and whimpered after he stopped. My body was throbbing everywhere.

I pick up my head and see him trashing my apartment.

Then I started to smell a cigarette.

He turned me over. He put it into his mouth as he then dragged me. He then sat on my legs. He took the duct tape off my mouth.

I wanted to scream. But it wasn't a guarantee that someone would hear me or that they would even do anything about it. I wasn't going to chance Noah's current safety for that.

"Do you want some?" He asks as he takes a puff. He holds the lit cigarette in front of me.

I shook my head.

"Your loss." He says before holding the lit part of cigarette to my neck. He holds his hand over my mouth so my screams were barely audible.

Lewis takes a puff and then holds the cigarette right in front of my eye. It couldn't have been more than inches away from it.

"Try anything and I'll burn _him_." Lewis threatens as he looks up. I knew he was looking at the door to Noah's bedroom where Lucy and Noah were currently locked up in.

I glare at him.

"Scream again and I'll make your little boy scream." He whispers before he burns the top of my left breast.

It took everything I had to hold it in and not scream.

He burned me for what felt like hours in multiple places. My breasts. My stomach. My arms. My neck. He later turned me over and burned me in multiple places on my back.

Tears escaped my eyes each time, but I did not scream. I barely made a sound.

Then he brought over a bottle of vodka, I had in the fridge.

"Be honest, you bought this just for us, didn't you?" Lewis comments, but I don't reply. It wasn't even mine. It was left over from when Brian stayed over.

"Drink." He says and I shake my head. I tighten my lips together.

"Drink the vodka, Olivia." He says as he holds the open bottle close to my face. I turned away. "Do it or I will kill your son."

I turned towards him.

I knew it was pointless to fight. Lewis had leverage. I was tied up. He had two guns. He was holding my son and Lucy hostage. I knew if I crossed him, he wouldn't hesitate to kill them.

But I guess it is instinct.

And in a way, I guess it could buy myself more time.

I know eventually they will come. Someone will come to the apartment looking for me. Maybe I'll get lucky and Barba will come to the apartment in the morning.

I know it is wishful thinking, but that's all I have.

"Open up." Lewis says as he grips my jaw in his hand. I shut my eyes tightly for a moment before my lips separated. I opened my mouth to drink the vodka like I would any drink. He then started to pour the vodka in my mouth. It burned as it went down my throat. I tried to swallow, but maybe half of it went all over me.

"Swallow it. All of it."

It was too much at once. I couldn't keep it all down. Not all of it would go down.

He stopped for a moment, before forcing more down my throat.

I gagged.

He then poured the rest of the contents of the bottle onto me.

I reeked of alcohol.

"You could just walk now." I say after he threw the bottle over onto the floor where it shattered.

"What will they say about all these?" Lewis runs his fingers over the cuts and bruises on my face, before pushing his fingernail into one of the burns on my breasts. I winced.

"Doesn't matter. Your defense attorney will figure some way for you to walk again." I replied.

"You're probably right." He laughs.

"My squad. They _will_ find me." I say. "You could go right now. Get out of New York. A free pass."

"Don't try and bargain with me. We're past that." Lewis says as he then holds the gun to my head again. "But you've been a good girl so far, so I might decide to let that little kid live."

He then gave me another beating before forcing me to take some pills. I did not fight him on that. I didn't even think about it. Not just for Noah and Lucy's sake, but for mine. I knew taking those sleeping pills and being unconscious was the only sort of peace I was going to get.

I knew Lewis all too well. He hasn't finished with me yet.

* * *

 **A/N: So here's the first part. Like I said in the first AN, Cassidy is not with Liv, which is why there was no call from him. Anyways, this is Barson and there will more of that later but first we deal with Liv being at the hands of Lewis. Let me know what you think of this so far. Don't forget to review.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, or any of its characters. They all belong to Dick Wolf & NBC.**

* * *

Barba's POV

I stopped by the apartment to see Liv—talk to Liv. I might have found something that we might be able to retry the case. I knocked on her apartment door.

No answer.

I knocked again.

"Liv? Are you in there?" I said through the door before knocking again. I then looked to the floor and saw a pile of mail.

Something seems _wrong_.

I picked up the floor mat and found a spare key. I chuckled to myself as I shook my head. All the same. I unlocked the door and went inside. My scanned the room. Her apartment was torn to shreds. It was a mess. The place reeked of alcohol and cigarettes.

I guess I know where Lewis went after his bail was posted.

I looked up at hearing noise. It was coming from Noah's bedroom. I opened the door and found Noah on the bed next to Liv's sitter, Lucy, whom was handcuffed to the bed with her mouth duct taped shut. I carefully took the duct tape off.

"Are you okay?" I ask.

"This man—h-he broke in and held a gun to us." Lucy stammered.

"Did he hurt you?" I ask and Lucy shakes her head.

"No, Olivia convinced him to tie me up in here so I could take care of Noah." Lucy explains. "I heard her screaming for hours and I could smell him smoking. It was horrible."

"We're going to get you out of here." I tell her as I took out phone.

"Barba." I turn to Noah. "Where's mommy?"

"We're going to find her."

I then reached into my pocket and took out my phone. We needed to get Cragen and the detectives down here.

* * *

Olivia's POV's

I woke up at the slam of the car door. My legs were tied with duct tape and my hands were hand cuffed behind my bag. Before I could even manage to sit up, Lewis came back and dragged me into this beach house. I look and see this woman hanging inside the closet. Her clothes were off. I looked away as he started to burn her with cigarettes. He then felt his fingers under my chin and he forced me to look back at him. "No. You don't get to that. You'll miss the show. Now you better keep your eyes open or she will die." Lewis says and then proceeds to rape her.

I wanted to shut my eyes. I wanted to look away. But I knew if I did, he would kill her. I knew Lewis meant it.

There was nothing I could do.

I had to watch, helplessly, as Lewis raped this woman. Tears ran down my face but I didn't make a sound. The woman looked at me helplessly terrified while she screamed.

I hated that I couldn't stop this.

Shortly after that he knocked me out. When I woke up, it was dark again. Lewis put a paper bag on the floor of the car as he helped me sit up. He then showed me the rope and duct tape he had bought. He said there were surprises in there for later.

I didn't even know what they could be. I don't want to know.

"I got some drinks."

I looked at him. I was so thirsty. My mouth felt so dry. I can't even remember the last time I had a sip of water. I think it was before he held the gun to my head. Damn it, I should have taken more than a sip.

"If take the tape off will you be a good girl?" Lewis says and I nodded.

He slowly took it off. I then took a few slow breaths. It was easier to breathe.

"You thirsty sweetheart?" He asks and I nodded. Lewis takes a new bottle of vodka out of the brown paper bag. I shake my head and turn my head away. I don't know why I thought any different. I knew Lewis' MO. This is what he does.

"Hey, hey" he pulls my head back towards him but I clenched my mouth shut. "You don't get to say 'no' anymore." He adds as he then pulls out a small bottle of water. My eyes lit up. I'd do anything just for a sip.

"Tell you what. You have some vodka and I'll give you some water."

He push his fingers against my cheeks as he held the bottle to my lips. I tried to swallow, but it burned and I couldn't keep it all down.

"Suck it down. Suck it down." Lewis says, but I probably didn't swallow any more than half of what he gave me. He then gave me a small sip of water before pouring the rest of it out the window and throwing the empty bottle at my head. He put some more duct tape on my lips, kissing me onto of it. I groaned as he did so.

Now I was on the floor of the car as he drove. The radio volume was up to the max and I could hear Lewis singing. I felt like I might go insane by just hearing that. Then I heard the sound of sirens and I had this small ounce of hope. But then I heard the cock of a gun.

"He's young." Lewis says as he pulls the tarp over me. "One move and he's dead."

I stay as still as I can, but the cop isn't stupid. He can tell something was off with Lewis and then he asks what was in the back seat. Then quickly after that I hear a gunshot.

I shut my eyes and let a tear run down my face.

I'm starting to lose any hope that I'm getting out of this alive.

* * *

I lost consciousness after Lewis had switched into another car. I woke up when we got to a beach house. He dragged me inside and threw me onto a bed. He handcuffed me to the bed. Then he left for a moment as I tried to break free. But he got back too soon. He moved the bed back into place from where I managed to get it to move. He then slapped me across the face after removing the duct tape.

"Oh man, a real old-fashioned iron framed bed. I knew this place would be perfect." Lewis says with a chuckle. "Now do you want me to burn your clothes off or cut 'em off?"

I glanced at him.

"Cut them off. I need to find some scissors." Lewis leaves and I think about trying to escape again. Maybe if I could manage to break a piece off? If I did that maybe I could get his gun. Maybe I could get out of here. I don't try. He'll be back in seconds.

I don't have the chance.

He comes back and smirks at me as he cuts through the duct tape on my legs. I guess he will need me to spread my legs later when he is finishing up with me.

"What's that look for?" He asks as I started to stare off into space. It didn't matter anymore. He was going to take his time. Torture and eventually rape me. Then he would kill me. I was never going to get out of here and see any of the people I care about again.

"What? Thinking about someone you are never going to see again?" He asks and I don't respond.

"Boyfriend?" He asks. I don't have one.

"What about that D.A.? You're probably screwing him." Lewis asks. He was talking about Barba. I almost wanted to laugh as I knew Barba would never be interested in me. I don't think he is even interested in the idea of dating.

"Your son?" He questions. I felt like I wanted to die at the thought of Noah. Lewis was going to kill me. I was never going to see him again. When Lewis let me have those couple of seconds with Noah—it seems that was the last time I was ever going to be able to see him. That was last time I got tell him I love him. Noah was still a baby, when he's older—he probably won't remember me.

I shut my eyes. I wanted to cry. I didn't care about whatever satisfaction it gave Lewis. I knew sooner or later, I was going to be dead.

Nothing mattered anymore.

* * *

Barba's POV

I was driving home.

There was still no progress. Apparently his attorney is dead. He raped her before killing her and her father. Then apparently Liv had to watch as her mother was raped. There was nothing I could do. I wasn't a detective.

I wanted to go find Liv, but I had no idea where to look.

I wish they would just find her. If we're too late—her son will go back into foster care and Lewis will probably disappear again.

I pulled over to take a breath and then my cell phone started to ring. I thought it was hopefully Cragen or Amaro with news, but it was my cousin Viva. As soon as I answered the phone she started talking about how there's some man in one of the homes she cleans with a woman. She saw through a back window.

I drove there.

She showed me the house and I told her to take Luisa away from here. I then called the police. I glanced through the window and saw Lewis on top of her. I couldn't just stand here and wait for them to get here. What if he heard the sirens and killed her?

I had to do something.

I had a gun in my car.

As quietly as I could I went in and I could hear Liv, crying out. I walked into the room. Liv was faced down onto the bed. She was handcuffed. Lewis was faced the other way, on top of her, so he didn't see me coming.

"Just think. This is the last thing you'll remember before you die." Lewis says and then I hit him in the back of the head with my gun. He falls to the floor. I kick him in the head just to make sure he was unconscious.

"Liv?" I turn her over and cover her with a blanket.

"Barba." She whispers before falling unconscious. I check her pulse; it was there, but weak. I could see the cigarette burns on her arms and I knew that he had been giving her nothing but alcohol and drugs throughout the last few days. That's what he did to his victims.

There was blood on the bed. I could see a hanger on the floor.

"It's going to be okay Liv." I say. I get the key to handcuffs out of Lewis' pocket. I take them off her but put them on him. I then wrap the blanket around her and carry her outside in my arms as the police and ambulance arrive.

Amaro pulls me aside as she is taken onto an ambulance.

"What are you doing here?"

"My cousin cleans this house. She saw him and called me. I called—but I wasn't going to just sit here and wait." I tell him. "Don't worry you'll get my statement. But why don't you lock up that bastard first?" I say before getting in my car and driving to the hospital.

I had to be there. I had to make sure Liv was okay.

* * *

 **A/N: I know this took forever, but I couldn't exactly figure out how to write Barba. I feel like he might be OOC. I hope it was okay. Anyways, Barba got Liv out of there. Now since he will have to testify in Lewis' trial, I'll either have to bring in either Alex or Casey as the ADA. Which should it be? Let me know whom you want and what you thought of the chapter. Please don't forget to review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, or any of its characters. They all belong to Dick Wolf & NBC.**

* * *

Olivia's POV

I slowly opened my eyes. I saw this bright light shining it my eye. Then suddenly I saw a bunch of people hovering over me and I could hear the sound of their voices, going over each other; which made it hard to understand what was going on.

"Olivia, can you hear me?"

I nodded before attempting to remove the oxygen mask to speak, but the woman advises against it as another person places it back on me.

How did I get here? How did they find me? What happened to Lewis? Why didn't he kill me? Why am I still alive? How am I still alive?

"Ow!" I yelled, but it came out muffled because of the mask. I shut my eyes tightly as I felt someone pushing into some of more recent burns. After we got to the beach house, he used not only cigarettes to burn me but also hangers, just like he had with that woman whom died later on.

I then started to feel dizzy again.

"She's losing a lot of blood." I just faintly heard right before I blacked out.

* * *

Barba's POV

I got to the hospital about an hour after the ambulance had left to take Olivia to the hospital. We would have gotten there sooner if Amaro hadn't gone to the wrong hospital. I knew I should have driven myself, but he had to insist. As soon as I walked into Mercy Hospital, I saw Rollins in the waiting room.

"Rollins." I say.

"Barba, how did you—"

"Not important. How's Liv?"

"She's in surgery. She lost a lot of blood. I haven't heard anything yet." Rollins tells me and I sighed. I slowly sat down and then she sat down next to me.

"Did you hear anything about Lewis?" I ask.

"He's alive. Barely." Rollins says and I just look to the floor. I thought I had killed him. I thought hitting with that bar would have been enough—well once would have been enough, three times on the other was a bit extensive but it didn't matter to me. That son of bitch was raping Olivia and I wasn't going to let him get away with that.

"He was on top of her—I grabbed a metal bar and—"

"He gave the son of a bitch what he deserved." I look up at hearing Fin's voice.

"He's right. You did what you had to do." Amaro chimes in.

"I wish I would've killed him." I admit. After I had stopped, I considered whether or not to do it again to ensure that he was dead. William Lewis being left alive didn't help anyone.

If only I could go back and kill him.

I know I wouldn't regret it if I did.

"Olivia Benson."

We all stand up and look over to the doctor whom was in scrubs, fresh out of surgery.

"She's going to pull through just fine. She's lucky. One of those stab wounds was just centimeters away from an artery." The doctor explains and I sighed in relief. "Now she a sprained wrist along with a bunch of burns so we'll be treating those and later we'll have to do a rape kit when she wakes up. I'll let you know when she is awake."

"She's going to be okay." Rollins repeats.

"Liv's a fighter. She'll be just fine." Amaro says.

It was good to know that she made it out of surgery, but I just wanted to get in there and see her. I wanted to see for myself that she is okay. Though I know mentally, she won't be okay after all she went through.

* * *

Olivia's POV

I slowly opened my eyes. I tried to sit up but stopped at feeling pain. I looked around the room and quickly realized that I was in the hospital. I never liked hospitals. I didn't have fond memories of them. But I knew arguing about my stay here won't be my choice at least for now. They will probably want to keep me overnight and of course, they still have yet to do a rape kit.

"Olivia, can you hear me?" I look over and see the female doctor. I remember her face somewhat from when I first came here.

"Yeah."

"You lost a lot of blood when you came in. Everything went fine in the O.R. Now I'm going to quickly check you over and then we can discuss treating those burns and doing a rape kit." The doctor tells me and I nodded.

I had been through this sort of thing before with victims. It felt strange being the victim rather than the detective, however.

She checks me over very quickly. Only a few things. She checked my eyes, heart, and stuff like that.

"Do what you need to do." I tell the doctor before she could start trying to explain what she would do. I knew what she would need to do for the burns and the rape kit. I also knew from experience with dealing with victims that it is better to get these things done as soon as possible.

"Okay, but before I start, you have some people out in the waiting room for you." She says and I look up at her. Who was here? "Someone people are more comfortable during this if they have someone with them."

"Who's here?" I ask.

"Um I think their names were Amaro, Fin, Rollins, and...Barbara?"

I felt the urge to laugh at that. But I resisted the urge and just amusingly grinned instead.

" _Barba_?" I questioned, to confirm.

"Yes, right."

"Can I see him?" I ask and she nods, leaving the room to go get him.

 _Barba._

That's suddenly when it came back to me.

 _I remember Lewis being on top of me. His hands were around my neck with his nails digging into me as I felt his penis inside me. It felt so disgusting and painful. It felt awful. I wanted to die. I wanted to be anywhere else. I wanted it to stop. I was ready for him to kill me._

 _But then I felt him getting out of me._

 _It still hurt everywhere, but I felt that he was no longer inside me._

 _I was turned over on my back as I continued to bleed and whimper in pain. I saw his face for only a couple seconds before I blacked out._

Barba.

Barba was there. He was at the beach house. Did he stop Lewis? He must have. I doubt Lewis would have gotten out of me so quickly. Barba saved me.

"Liv?" I look up at seeing Barba right at the door.

"Hi." I smiled and replied weakly at him.

"I'm glad you're okay." Barba says walking over to me and putting his hand on my shoulder. I tried—and managed—not to wince as I had couple of burns on my shoulders.

"Thanks to you." I say.

"It was—"

"You saved me." I say.

"He can't hurt you anymore, Liv." Barba says as he then squeezes my shoulder, causing me to let out a cry of pain. "Sorry." He says after his hand is jolted off me.

"It's okay." I tell him. It wasn't his fault. He couldn't see them and I know it's not his intent to hurt me; especially since he is the one whom saved my life.

"So when do you get to go home?" Barba asks.

"Well I assume they want to keep me overnight, so at least until the morning. And now they want to treat my burns and do a rape kit. The standard procedure." I tell Barba. I knew what had to happen, but in a way, I guess it hasn't completely sunk in that it's happening to me.

"I can come back—"

"No. Don't go." I say, but then look away out of embarrassment. Maybe I shouldn't have asked. I mean, it's not like he's my boyfriend or anything. I shouldn't have even thought about that. "Sorry. I just don't have fond memories of hospitals." I admit. I remember coming here frequently when I was younger and none of the trips, whether they were for my mom or myself, were fun.

"It's okay, Liv. I can stay with you if you want." Barba tells me.

"I'd like that." I say with my voice breaking a bit. I guess it was finally sinking in about what happened and what they are going to do to me.

The doctor came in shortly to start with treating my burns. I removed a part of my gown to which burns she would be treating. I felt Barba take my hand and I smiled a bit. But that quickly faded as she started to treat the burns. I shut my eyes tightly, squeezed his hand, and whimpered silently.

"You're okay, Liv. Everything's okay." I heard Barba whisper to me as he rubbed the back of my hand.

Barba stayed next to me and held my hand through the treatment of burns and then through most of the rape kit. Afterwards I just got my gown back on and got back into the bed. I wanted to shower, but I just wanted to sleep. I felt like I hadn't slept in a week.

"Get some sleep, Liv. You're safe now." I shut my eyes and hear Barba says, quickly falling back to sleep.

* * *

 **A/N: So here's the next chapter with a little bit of Barson cuteness. If you guys can, I'd love it you could check out my other story "I'll Protect You". Please don't forget to review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, or any of its characters. They all belong to Dick Wolf & NBC.**

* * *

Barba's POV

I stayed with Olivia while they did the rape kit. Well, I stayed with her until they gave her a sedative. Olivia told me it was okay for me to go. I nodded, only because I knew she needed rest. Then I told her I would be back in the morning.

"How is she?" Rollins asks me once I came back into the waiting room. I had been in there for a little while and everyone was still here. Cragen, Munch, Fin, Rollins, and Amaro were still there waiting to here how she was.

"To be expected." I say, directly to Rollins, but looking over the group in front of me. "They just gave her something, so she'll sleep for a while."

"Barba, are you okay?" Rollins asks me and I sighed.

"No." I said, honestly. I was not okay and I seriously doubt any one of them were okay after what's happened to Olivia. But they hadn't been the one to find her. They didn't see her through that window. They didn't Lewis on top of her. They didn't see Olivia when I covered and turned her over, seeing how hurt she was. They didn't see what I had seen.

"Any word on Lewis?" I ask. I had to know.

"He's alive but in critical condition." Fin comes over and tells me.

Damn it. I wish I would have killed the bastard.

"You did what you had to do." Fin says and I nod. I did, but it feels like I didn't do enough. With Lewis alive, he and his defense attorney will fight like hell to get him to walk again. I have to recuse myself from the case. Olivia, and myself, are going to have to testify.

If I had just killed him that would have been a lot easier.

"Barba, I know you care, but maybe you should go home."

"I'm staying here."

"I know how it is, but you know Liv wouldn't want you to stay here all night." Rollin says and I sighed. She was right about one thing. It didn't feel right leaving Olivia here, but I guess I could go give my statement.

"How's Noah and Lucy?" I ask, just realizing they had slipped my mind.

"Lucy had a few bruises and is dehydrated, but she is okay. Noah was fine. Not a mark on him." Rollins says. I knew Olivia would care more about Noah's well being than her own.

"Liv will be okay." Rollins says.

The way she was looking at me, is like she knows something.

"I don't like that stare."

"Please Barba, you two are friends. It was only a matter of time." Rollins says, but I don't reply. I didn't need to say anything more.

* * *

Olivia's POV

I woke up in the morning and laid there in the bed. I didn't want to be awake. All I could think about was him. But if I even tried to close my eyes, all I could see was him. I could still feel him on my skin. I could still feel him inside of me. It made me want to die.

I got up and went into the bathroom.

I stare at myself in the mirror. I look like a broken mess.

A broken record.

I take a pair of scissors out of my pocket. I take strands of hair in my hand and cut them off. I did it again and again until my hair was above my shoulder.

I stared at myself in the mirror for a moment longer before going back to bed.

I didn't even bother to pick the hair off the floor.

I laid in bed for a few minutes, only being able to think about Lewis, before there was a knock, which brought me out of a flashback. I smile at seeing it was Barba, and not a nurse who had come to poke and prod me some more.

"Hi." I said.

"Hi." Barba repeated.

"Is that all you can say?" I ask with a slight laugh as he then takes hold of my hair.

"You cut your hair." Barba states.

"Don't like it?"

"N-No, I do." Barba stammers and I laugh. "I've just never seen you with short hair." I guess he was right about that. Since we've met, I hadn't gotten much of a haircut, at least to this extent. Though I wouldn't consider this short. I've had it much shorter.

"You should have seen my pixie."

Barba and I laugh.

"Anyways, I talked to that doctor and she said you can go when you're ready." Barba says after coughing into his arm. I nodded. I knew that about twenty minutes ago, but I didn't sign them yet. I had nowhere to go. I obviously couldn't go back to my apartment. I could always call my brother, but I don't want to bother him with this. He's got a daughter and a stepson to take care of, not to mention, he's planning on marrying that girl Tracy. I don't want to put this on him.

"Liv? You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just trying to figure out where to go." I say, mostly to myself. Where could I go? A hotel?

"You can stay with me." Barba offers.

"No, Barba, you don't have to."

"It's okay. I want to." Barba tells me and I decided not to argue. I knew one thing about Barba, and it was hard to change his mind than my own.

"We have to stop by the precinct." I tell him as he helps me up.

I had to give my statement.

* * *

After I gave my statement, Barba took me to his apartment. I stood by the doorway and looked around. It was different than expected. Bigger too. I follow him and he brings me to the guest bedroom, that seemed to be already made up for me. Did he go home and decide that I was going to be staying here? I didn't mind. I didn't think staying with Barba would be necessarily a bad thing.

"Something wrong?" I hear Barba ask.

"No." I said, sitting down on the bed. "Did you plan this?"

"No." He replies, but Barba was a terrible liar. I guess he did. Not that I minded. Otherwise, I'd being staying up in a hotel somewhere alone. I didn't really want to be alone right now. Being alone, gave me only time to think about Lewis and he was the last person I wanted to think about.

"Liv—" Barba started to say, only to be cut off by the sound of someone knocking on the door.

"Are you expecting someone?" I ask.

"No. But you know, it's probably Rollins or Amaro wanting to check up on you." Barba says, leaving the room to answer the door. I guess he was right. I hadn't seen them and I'm sure they would want to, though I don't know if I want them to see me. I know exactly how they are going to look at me. They are going to look at me with pity. They are going to look at me, wondering how broken I am.

I don't want them looking at me like that.

I stand up and lean against the door to see who is here.

"Who the hell are you?" It was a man's voice, that was familiar, but it certainly wasn't Amaro.

"I could ask you the same." Barba replies.

"I was told Olivia was here."

"And what is that to you? Hoping to get a picture for the press?" Barba asks and I scoff. I wish I could doubt it, but the press could be unpredictable. They tell Barba, I'm a friend, so they can sneak in and get a photo.

"I'm here brother."

I knew why I knew that voice.

I opened the door to the bedroom and slowly walked out to see Barba, not letting Simon through. That's right. He didn't know about my brother as I never mentioned him, at least to him. I hadn't seen Simon in almost two years since the whole situation with his kids.

"Simon." I say and the two of them look at me.

"Is he for real?" Barba asks, still holding him back from coming in. He's a good friend, though I don't need a bodyguard.

"It's okay, Barba." I nodded.

Once Barba steps aside and allows him to come inside, Simon quickly walks over and gives me a hug. I sigh in relief and wrapped my arms around him. It was nice to see him.

"Please tell me you're not in trouble again." I say, with a slight laugh. It was meant to be joke, but I really hope he didn't get himself into a deep hole again. This would be the worst time for that.

"No, I heard about what happened. I went to the hospital to see you—they told me you were gone. I called three different people—which none of which knew who I was—before I could find out where you were." Simon explains.

I guess it would have helped if I had mentioned to anyone—at least to the ones that weren't at SVU when I first found out about Simon—that I had a brother.

"I wanted to see you. I had to make sure you're okay." Simon says and I glance over to Barba, whom clears his throat.

"I'm going to grab some food." Barba says casually before leaving the apartment. I guess he wanted to give me some alone time with Simon.

"Is he—"

"Barba's a friend." I tell Simon. He is a very good friend.

"Are you okay?" Simon asks me. "Sorry—stupid question."

"I'm fine, Simon." I lied. "I'm okay."

"You don't have to lie. No one would be okay after all you went through." Simon says and I sigh, looking away.

I don't want to be looked at like I'm broken. I am okay. I survived it all. I should be okay. I should be grateful to be alive.

But I don't feel that way.

Though Lewis didn't win. Though Lewis is locked up and can't hurt me anymore, I still feel like he isn't gone. I feel like he is never going to go away.

"Olivia." Simon says and touches me shoulder.

I winced.

"Sorry!"

"I'm okay." I force myself to say. I will not allow myself to break.

"Olivia, I know you're not." Simon says. "I know what happened. And no one would be okay after that. You know that better than anyone."

He's right.

"I survived—I should consider myself lucky." My voice breaks. Simon wraps his arms around me, in attempts to comfort me. I started to cry. I don't try and fight it. I just let it out.

Simon sits there with me while I cried.

I'm glad I have a brother like him.

* * *

 **A/N: I wish they would have had brought Simon back after Olivia went through all that with Lewis. So I naturally had to include him. I liked Simon a lot. Anyways, sorry if there are mistakes, I didn't get a chance to edit it. But I'll hope you'll over look any errors for now. Please check out my other story " _I'll Protect You_ " Also please don't forget to review!**


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